


How To Feed Your Fish

by wordbending



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, eggs! pancakes! hot fish makeouts???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-07 00:15:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8775580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordbending/pseuds/wordbending
Summary: Alphys cooks her girlfriend an early morning breakfast. Whether she can do that without something catching on fire, exploding, or being impaled with a spear... well, that's a different story.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Requested by [wolffyluna](http://wolffyluna.tumblr.com/)!

Alphys was in Undyne's house. Well, her new house. Her new, not-burned... OK, technically, it wasn't really a house, it was an apartment. One with a strict “no swords” policy.

And sure, she'd been in Undyne's house slash apartment so often they practically lived together! And nevermind that she had single-handedly invented teleportation just so she could get from there to the Lab whenever she wanted! Those were slightly technical details!

At any rate, she was still there! In her kitchen! Alone! And it was early in the morning! Because she had gotten up! Early! Because she'd been in Undyne's... in Undyne's...

Oh god. She was going to _die._

"Morning, Alphie," Undyne's voice said, out of nowhere, startling Alphys so badly she nearly lost her balance on the stool she was using to reach the stovetop. Undyne didn't seem to notice - she only leaned over and kissed Alphys on the cheek, which started to burn even hotter than the pan in front of her. "Why are you up so early?"

"M-making breakfast," Alphys mumbled, smiling.

"Oh yeah? Awesome," said Undyne, yawning and stretching her arms.

It might have been weird for most people who knew her (which was, at this point, everyone) to hear Undyne relatively quiet and peaceful and not just... screaming, constantly, forever, but she was a little bit calmer around Alphys, especially when she had just woken up. It was nice - she usually loved Undyne's boundless energy, but she still appreciated these rare moments of quiet.

It didn’t help at all, though, when Alphys turned to look at her and saw she was wearing a bright, bright pink, significantly oversized Mew Mew Kissy Cutie shirt - the same bright pink Mew Mew Kissy Cutie shirt Alphys had been wearing the night before, to be specific - and a pair of blue spear-patterned boxer shorts, poking out from just underneath it.

And nothing else.

"U-U-Undyne!" she stammered, covering her eyes. "W-w-why aren't you wearing pants?"

"Couldn't find 'em," she said cheerfully, putting her hands on her hips, the very nice hips that Alphys most definitely wasn't looking at through her clenched fingers.

"But this is _your_ house!!!"

Undyne looked almost offended. "So???"

Alphys somehow managed to break her gaze from Undyne's legs and turned back to the pan, rubbing her temples. "N-nevermind. F-forget I said anything."

"You got it, I've forgot it!" Undyne said, audibly grinning. Alphys could feel her start to hover around her, looking over her shoulder to see what she was doing. "So what are you making?"

"P-pancakes," said Alphys. "And... and eggs."

"Aw, nice!"

"It's one of your favorites, so, um, I... I thought you'd like it."

"For real?" said Undyne. Without even needing to turn around, Alphys could practically see her eyes light up. "How'd you know?"

Alphys thought it was kind of a silly question. Undyne had told her so, very loudly, every single time she'd eaten either one that day, ever since she'd made the journey to the surface and actually started doing more than eating cheese fries at Grillby's and doing whatever she did with the spaghetti she made with Papyrus. 

But it was always Toriel who’d made those breakfasts, usually for the kids at the school who didn't get breakfast at home - Alphys had never cooked eggs and pancakes herself before. She'd never cooked anything, actually. She'd spent most of her life just gorging on chips, pocky, and instant noodles.

"It's... it's a g-g-girlfriend thing," she said, giving her a tiny shrug and her best attempt at casual smugness.

"Oh man, Alphie!" said Undyne, hugging her around the neck and kissing her on the cheek again. "You're the sweetest!"

And then she stepped back and produced a spear, grinning.

"Wha-"

But Undyne was already running toward the table, the back of Alphys' shirt flapping behind her. She stabbed the spear into the ground, bending it back (and putting a hole in the floor), and then leaped into the air, the spear bouncing back to its original shape as she launched herself over the table. Doing a perfect 180-degree spin in mid-air, she landed in the chair on the other side, sitting down and smiling patiently as if she’d been there the whole time.

"Ummmmm."

"I thought I'd wait over here!"

Yep, Alphys thought, this was definitely relatively calm Undyne... going from telling her how sweet she was to doing a half-dressed pole vault over a table. But, honestly, would Alphys love her any other way?

Well, of course. It was still Undyne.

She turned her attention back to the pancakes, hoping she hadn't burnt them in all the shenanigans, and... they were turning such a nice shade of black that Alphys might have been able to patent it as an entirely new color.

Alphys panicked. She flailed around, reaching for four things at once - the burner dials, the pan handle, the pan itself, and the pancakes - and she ended up smacking the pan handle, flipping the whole thing over. As the very blackened pancakes flew majestically into the air, she squawked and took a step backwards... before she belatedly remembered she had been standing on a stool.

_Had_ been.

"Alphys!" Undyne yelled when Alphys hit the kitchen floor, landing painfully tail-first. Alphys only stared in horror at the pancakes, which continued to go up and up, almost seeming to come to a complete stop in mid-air.

"Oh no," she said, reaching out for them. But before she could even stand back up, she heard the familiar _vwoooop_ of a spear being produced, a mighty "NGGAAAAAHHH!!!", and then a rush of air as a blue spear rocketed over her head... and impaled the pancakes in a single stroke, pinning them both to the wall.

"Oh my god?" said Alphys, watching as the two pancakes crumbled into dust. "You killed them???"

Instead of replying, Undyne raced the rest of the way over, literally skidding to a stop in front of her. She reached her hand down to Alphys and, gratefully, Alphys took it with her non-singed hand. Undyne, not Alphys, blushed as soon as their hands touched each other. But, regardless of how her cheeks had turned that pleasant shade of green that Alphys had always liked, Undyne still lifted her up as effortlessly as she lifted a boulder.

"You OK?" she said.

"Y-yes, I'm alright," Alphys replied, brushing dust off her tail and the back of her green, dinosaur-printed shorts. "But thank you."

"No problem!" she said with a huge grin, before her face fell. "Sorry about breakfast..."

"I-it's OK! It's my fault!" said Alphys, raising her hands. "...completely, completely, my fault... but it's totally fine! I'll just make some more!"

"Alright!" yelled Undyne, immediately brightening again. "That's the spirit!!!"

She returned to the table, walking to it normally instead of cartwheeling or backflipping or however else she felt like moving five feet in her own house. Alphys ran her slightly burnt hand under some cold water and flipped the pan back over to try again. She added some fresh sesame oil, as the recipe she'd found on the human Internet had suggested, and spread it over the pan's surface.

She didn't understand why this was so difficult, she thought as she turned on the burner and poured the batter into the pan, twice, listening as it started to sizzle. Wasn't cooking supposed to be a science? It was just chemistry, experimentation, waiting a long time... that all sounded exactly like normal science-y things to her.

And she'd made the batter, cut the potatoes and the onions, and cracked the eggs, all with only a few of those things exploding - she'd even made sure to put in the seaweed from Waterfall that Undyne liked so much.

"Are you punching it?" Undyne yelled as Alphys stood there, waiting for the batter to start turning brown. "You are punching it, right?!"

"N-no offense, Undyne, but I'm, um, pretty sure that's not in the recipe..."

"It's not? Well, it should be!!!"

Alphys laughed softly, and she knew that Undyne was grinning - Undyne always grinned whenever she made Alphys laugh. She turned around, just for a second, and sure enough, Undyne was grinning her massive, toothy grin at her. She smiled back, feeling a warmth like the flame from the burner rise within her. It almost tempted her to _actually_ punch the batter, but she'd already burned herself once, so she decided against it.

The pancakes were starting to brown, so she took her spatula and, as gently as possible in case of any more unfortunate accidents, she flipped them over, breathing a sigh of relief when she saw the cooked side had come out a perfect yellow-brown, just like in the picture she’d seen.

The eggs would be next, once the pancakes were finished, and she looked over at the carton warily. Eggs were a little too easy to crack with claws - she'd accidentally exploded the first one she'd tried, forcing her to clean up an embarrassing mess before Undyne woke up and saw her with literal egg on her face. She'd had to get a different apron too, which meant she was now wearing Papyrus' way too small "COOL CHEF" one instead of Undyne's slightly less too small "DON'T KISS THE COOK (UNLESS YOU'RE HER GIRLFRIEND!)" one.

"Hey, Alphie!" Undyne yelled again. "Want me to play you some badass cooking music?"

She turned around just long enough to see Undyne having got up from the table - she'd picked up her acoustic guitar off of the nearby wall and was holding it up into the air. She must have gotten bored of sitting around already, Alphys thought, which didn't really surprise her at all.

Neither did the guitar. Undyne had taken an interest in it ever since her grand piano had been burned down with her old house, and by interest, Alphys really meant that she carried it around everywhere and serenaded her at every chance she got. Alphys felt like she wanted to die of embarrassment every time, but the truth was, she actually loved it.

"S-sure, if you want to," Alphys said, squinting down at the pancakes. She probably didn't need to watch them so much, but she was being extra careful this time.

Behind her, Undyne started to strum, the notes high and clear.

"Al-phys!" she started to sing, her voice low and gravelly. "My girl-friend! Oh, Alph-ys, oh, oh, Alph-ys, I love..."

Undyne stopped. She added another twang.

"...her!"

Alphys only sighed happily, turning around to watch Undyne play.

"Undyne, I, um, I don't think I've ever told you how p-p-pretty your singing is," she said, pressing her fingertips together. "B-but it... it has to be the second most wonderful sound in this or any other universe!"

"Whoa, thanks!" said Undyne, before pausing, one thick eyebrow raised. "Wait, what's the first?"

Alphys buried her face in her hands.

"...The M-Mew Mew Kissy Cutie OP."

"Well, that _is_ pretty good!" Undyne admitted, grinning, before starting to strum the notes to it. "Mew Mew Kissy Cutie, chu, chu, chu! Mew Mew Kissy Cutie, just for you!"

Alphys felt herself smiling, her cheeks getting warm again against her fingers - she almost wished she had a camera to record this. But she didn't, so she checked the pancakes again. They looked good enough now, so she turned the burner off, tilted the pan over a set of nearby plates (with an oven mitt on this time), and gently flipped each one of the pancakes onto them with a spatula. At last, she looked towards the eggs.

The stupid, expensive, way-too-fragile eggs.

"Hey, need any help?" said Undyne as if reading her mind, the strumming coming to a stop.

Alphys briefly considered it. She imagined that as soon as she said yes, Undyne would literally jump across the room and land right next to her before she even blinked. Alphys would explain that she needed to crack the eggs, and Undyne would either pick up the entire carton and throw it at a wall or pick up a single egg and crush it with enough force that the two of them would be cleaning egg off the wall for years.

She didn't even know why Undyne liked eggs, considering the diet (and protests) she'd started since she'd found out how humans made meat products. Alphys figured it was just because she hadn't found out that they came from chickens - she knew she'd have to tell her one day, but, well, she just didn't have the heart. Literally.

"N-no, no, I've definitely g-g-got it under c-c-control!" she said.

"You sure?" said Undyne's voice, suddenly much, much closer. Alphys turned towards it and Undyne was already there, standing next to her and setting the guitar down against the kitchen counter. Alphys nearly fell off the stool she was standing on _again_ before she managed to take a deep breath and collect herself.

"Well, OK, maybe I don't have it under control…” she admitted, pushing her glasses up. “W-well, um, not unless you know how to crack an egg..."

Undyne looked at the carton, and before Alphys could interject that she was just joking, Undyne had already popped it open and taken an egg between her hands. She rubbed it with Alphys’ oversized shirt (Alphys kept her eyes very pointedly upwards) and lifted it up to her one eye, staring at it.

Then she took it between her fingers and squeezed, audibly cracking it without even so much as tapping it against the edge of the pan. Holding it over the pan, she cleanly split the egg in half, letting the egg yolk fall onto its surface.

"W-wow," said Alphys. "Have you done that before?"

"Well, me and Papyrus tried adding eggs to spaghetti once. But it made a huge mess, so I thought I'd try something different this time!"

So, in other words, no, she hadn't. Somehow, at that moment, flawlessly breaking open an egg felt like the most incredible feat Alphys had ever seen her girlfriend do.

"...Could you do it again?"

"Of course!!!"

And she did, just as perfectly as the first time. Alphys thanked her, and she scratched the back of her head, a grin on her face and a green blush on her cheeks.

"Oh man, though, I should go, right?" she said, clenching her fists. "I don't want to ruin the surprise!!!"

Before Alphys could even say that it was fine, Undyne was already at the table, sitting patiently, her guitar laying next to her. Alphys wasn't even sure how she'd gotten there this time.

While the eggs sizzled, Alphys set to work on the next stage of the pancakes. She'd had to run to a 24/7 grocery store an hour ago to pick up a few extra supplies, even if these pancakes admittedly didn't look much like traditional ones, but it was something she'd seen before. Apparently, if you used things like berries, or chocolate chips (which were out since Undyne was allergic), or whipped cream, well... you could...

A few minutes later, she turned off the burner. The egg yolks had scrambled nicely and were a nice shade of yellow (she could almost hear Undyne saying "like you!!!" and she blushed at the imaginary compliment), and her little project with the pancakes was done, so she was almost ready. She only had to get some forks from one of Undyne's drawers and then she could finally carry it all to the table.

She more than half expected something else disastrous to happen as she looked at Undyne grinning eagerly at her, like her tripping and falling and spilling the entire meal across the room, or the eggs spontaneously combusting somehow, or even worse, Undyne not liking it before she even took a bite, but... nothing like that happened. She reached the table and set the plates down without a fuss.

Smiling hopefully, she turned one of the plates around to face Undyne, who stared down at it, her eyes widening.

One of the pancakes was decorated. Over the thin dark green lines of the seaweed, the slightly yellow color of the batter, a lemon slice formed an eye, a crowd of blackberries formed an eyepatch, a line of whip cream formed a huge grin, and finally, sliced strawberries took the shape of fins.

"Oh my _god,"_ Undyne breathed.

"Y-y-you don't like it?" Alphys stammered, wringing her hands. "I... I suppose it was kind of..."

"I LOVE IT!!!" Undyne screamed, jumping out of her chair and slamming her fists on the table. The plates, the pancakes, and the eggs all flew up into the air, until they all nearly collided with the ceiling all over again... and then they came back down, in exactly the same order, looking completely untouched. Undyne didn't even blink. "This is the best me I'm going to eat EVER!!!!!"

"Oh, thank goodness," Alphys breathed, settling into her chair in front of her own, completely undecorated pancake.

"I almost don't even want to eat it!" said Undyne, although her expression and the way she'd picked up her fork suggested that she, in fact, did. "But I WILL!!!"

"Go ahead," she said, and all it took for her to know that Undyne loved it was that she didn't tip the whole plate into her mouth and swallow both the eggs and the pancake in a single gulp. Instead, she started to cut into them with her fork.

Alphys started to do the same, taking a tentative bite of her eggs - she was relieved to find that they tasted even better than she'd hoped.

"Oh, Alphys!" said Undyne, waving a fork with a piece of her lemon eyeball on it. "Did I tell you what happened at the school yesterday?"

"I don't... think so?" Alphys replied. "But I'd really love to hear about it!"

Undyne put the fork in her mouth and swallowed, a blissful smile crossing her face. Then she took another bite, then another, leaning further and further over the table. Alphys thought that was another good sign for her first attempt at cooking.

"Well, me and the kids were doing rope climbing, right?" Undyne eventually managed to say. "But there’s this monster kid, right and they didn't have any arms? But they tried to climb the rope anyway with their TEETH! It was AWESOME!!! Except..."

“O-oh no!” Alphys interrupted, standing up out of her chair. “I… I c-c-completely forgot! I was going to make tea!”

Undyne stood up too, clapping her hands over her mouth. “Oh man! I forgot something too!!!”

Alphys didn’t get a chance to give Undyne so much as a puzzled look, because Undyne was already leaning over the table. She hooked her arms under Alphys’ shoulders and, completely effortlessly, lifted her over the table, Alphys’ tail dragging along it and bumping into a plate.

Undyne raised her higher, closer, until Alphys was staring into Undyne’s yellow eye.

And then she started kissing her.

Undyne!

Was kissing her!

On the _lips!_

It’s not like it was the first time - it wasn’t even close to the first time - but Alphys’ whole body felt just as light as then, the magic that made up her body flowing so strongly she was surprised she wasn’t shooting out sparks. And if she knew Undyne, for all her swagger, she was feeling the exact same way.

Undyne moved her to a more comfortable position, resting one hand on her back and the other on the bottom of Alphys’ green, dinosaur-printed shorts, and Alphys took the opportunity to press one clawed hand to her cheek and start to kiss her back. Undyne made a pleased hum, and Alphys had a feeling that if this kept up, they wouldn’t actually get around to eating breakfast.

It was Undyne who eventually broke the kiss first, her breathing heavy. Alphys blinked and begrudgingly opened her eyes, her glasses fogged up and slightly askew. She stared at Undyne, whose bangs had started to fall in front of her one good eye. Undyne tossed her head back, her long red hair flying behind her.

“That,” Undyne said, grinning her fangy grin.

Whatever effect she was going for was somewhat ruined by how she was blushing a deep shade of green, all the way down to her gills.

“O-oh,” Alphys said, smiling at her. “W-well, in that case, I forgot something else.”

And Alphys kissed her again.

Just as Alphys had predicted, by the time they got to eating the pancakes, they had to throw them in the microwave.

But, in Alphys’ opinion, it was a pretty good breakfast anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my friend Skirmisher2048 for helping me with this fic!
> 
> Credit to [this website](http://www.jpn-okinawa.com/en/recipes/mozuku/mozuku-pancake.html) for the seaweed pancake recipe (yep, it's real)


End file.
